To connect or disconnect?

What a week it has been!

This past week was my first week of work in our school year program mode. It was pretty neat and things are starting to look really exciting as we work for our 2013-2014 school year. You should see the data from our summer 2013 post-assessments! It's crazy to see the amount of growth each student has made from pre-test to post-test! Overall, during the school year program, each day, I get to work on something new and I like that. But most of all, each day, I know that I'm working towards a better future for a fantastic group of students and that excites me to my core. :)

A good friend from St. Louis came to town on a business trip and it was nice to take a step back with her and talk about our new lives away from teaching. Of course, we spent sometime reflecting on our days at WMS, but it was neat to see how her time in St. Louis has guided her in the work that she does now. As the executive director of a philanthropy within a hedge fund, she gets to look at education reform through the lens of fundraising and business. Although she often takes time to reflect on her two years in the classroom, she doesn't always get live those memories everyday in her current work. It's not always necessary for her. But for me, I feel like I'm crazy when I tell her (and others) that I think about my students everyday! However, she quickly reminded me that it is because of the work that I do right now. My time in St. Louis is HIGHLY connected to my work now and it would be foolish of me to not think about my time in the classroom in some sort of way or other everyday.

I know this short story might seem pointless, but it was the first time that I have been validated in my feelings and thoughts about my students and the people of St. Louis. Again, I have felt like a crazy woman for always thinking about them and missing them so much. However, it is okay for me to think about them daily because the work that I do calls for me to pull from that time to influence the decisions we make today. I'm NOT crazy for thinking about my kids and their hilarious antics and I'm NOT crazy for missing them so much. I would be crazy though if I didn't use my experience to make an impact with our BT students and our work today. Now, THAT'S crazy.

In other news, Miley Cyrus completely reminds how the education of our youth is highly important.

In the words of the great Jay Z, "Twerk, Miley Miley, Twerk! Somewhere in America!"

-N-

Recovering Teacher With Bald Spots

The other day at the gym (I'm back at a Crossfit gym! I've gained so much weight!) and a woman and I began talking about life and typical introductory topics.

"What do you do?"
"Oh, I'm a recovering teacher."

We both laughed, but in all seriousness, I was being truthful. I am a recovering teacher and everyday is a new challenge for me. As I look back on my time in the classroom and reflect on the many highs, there were also many lows. I loved my kids and everyday, I worked hard to ensure that my students received the best education, but I always felt like I fell short and that hurt me the most. If anything, it was my fear and disappointment in myself and my work that ultimately drove me out of the classroom. It was never my kids, my school leadership, the school district or anything else. It was all me and I don't know how long it will take to forgive myself for that.

My new job is such as blessing and I'm so excited for our first Super Saturday and getting to see our students again, but every time I reflect on my time in St. Louis, I can't shake the feeling that I wanted to leave because I did not feel adequate and I was not strong enough for my kids. I know that time will pass and the feeling will fade, but it is still hard and I still desperately want to hold my kids one more time and tell them how much I really love them.

So yes, I am a recovering teacher. I'm not afraid to admit this, but I know that with the strength of my family and being in a new role that will allow me to truly understand the meaning and power of transformational change in education, I will finally be able to look back on my time in St. Louis with ultimate pride and joy in my kids and my work. :)

Not being in the classroom has given me more time to think about other things, such as my hair. Yes, my hair. I just recently took out my braids and made the decision to not wear braids for a while. Now, for anyone who knows me, this is huge! For years, I have always worn my hair with braids or different types of weaves. This is because I, Nicole, hate my real hair and I was embarrassed of it. I have never felt beautiful with my real hair and after years of wear and tear, I have decided to start over and wear my hair out and proud.

Now, due to stress and all the damage done with braids, I have many thinning areas on my head. I guess, you can ultimately say that I have bald spots. It's not something to proudly state at age 23, but I'm working through it all. I have a new hair regiment (thanks to a lovely woman at a natural hair salon in Dallas) and with time, consistency, and patience, my hair will become healthy and happy again.

Some days, I think about my hair and I can't wait for the day that I can look like this:


Right now, I am working on looking like this






























But until then, I look in the mirror and all I see is this:

Hey, the first step to recovery is admitting, right? I am Nicole and I am a recovering teacher with bald spots.

-N-

First Day of School

For the first time in two years, I do not feel the weight of the "Sunday Dread." In fact, I feel the boredom of "Sunday Funday." I am no longer a teacher. This is weird. I didn't think I would be able to say those words two years ago. In fact, two years ago, I thought I would be saying the words, "I am a teacher" for at least 5 years, but not two. Some days, I feel like a quitter. As if I quit my kids and the city I was beginning to fall in love with. I miss my students. I miss them so much. Everything I do reminds me of them. Just today, when I was sweeping the kitchen, I had to pause and laugh because all I could think about is the one time some of my students tried to skip class by breaking into my classroom and cleaning it. Yes, that's right. My students tried to skip their elective class and decided to break (the door was unlocked) into my classroom and clean the entire room. I remember walking into my room during my plan period and there they were! My 3 most ridiculous girls. One was sweeping, one was cleaning the desks, and the other was blasting Nicki Minaj from my SmartBoard. This might seem ridiculous to you (and trust me, it is), but all I could do was laugh. Most students skipping class try to hide or walk around the school, but not my kids. They cleaned my room. I love my new job. The summer transition was hectic and filled with so much craziness, but now that the summer is done and the real school year begins, I can't help but crave the hectic lifestyle once again. Maybe I'm just twisted and I love being busy and stressed out of my mind. I mean, how many people do you know spend their summers between teaching doing another hectic job (Goldman Sachs? TFA Institute? Breakthrough?)? Yeah, you thought of no one as well. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I plan to use this blog to chronicle every new turn in my life. From new job, to new apartment (coming soon), to new dog (coming soon as well), to new hairstyle (rocking the natural-do), and new friends (coming soon as well). You are going to see it all. It will not be pretty. In fact, much of it will be ugly, but it will be new and exciting and I cannot wait for you to spend this journey with me. -N-