Recovering Teacher With Bald Spots

The other day at the gym (I'm back at a Crossfit gym! I've gained so much weight!) and a woman and I began talking about life and typical introductory topics.

"What do you do?"
"Oh, I'm a recovering teacher."

We both laughed, but in all seriousness, I was being truthful. I am a recovering teacher and everyday is a new challenge for me. As I look back on my time in the classroom and reflect on the many highs, there were also many lows. I loved my kids and everyday, I worked hard to ensure that my students received the best education, but I always felt like I fell short and that hurt me the most. If anything, it was my fear and disappointment in myself and my work that ultimately drove me out of the classroom. It was never my kids, my school leadership, the school district or anything else. It was all me and I don't know how long it will take to forgive myself for that.

My new job is such as blessing and I'm so excited for our first Super Saturday and getting to see our students again, but every time I reflect on my time in St. Louis, I can't shake the feeling that I wanted to leave because I did not feel adequate and I was not strong enough for my kids. I know that time will pass and the feeling will fade, but it is still hard and I still desperately want to hold my kids one more time and tell them how much I really love them.

So yes, I am a recovering teacher. I'm not afraid to admit this, but I know that with the strength of my family and being in a new role that will allow me to truly understand the meaning and power of transformational change in education, I will finally be able to look back on my time in St. Louis with ultimate pride and joy in my kids and my work. :)

Not being in the classroom has given me more time to think about other things, such as my hair. Yes, my hair. I just recently took out my braids and made the decision to not wear braids for a while. Now, for anyone who knows me, this is huge! For years, I have always worn my hair with braids or different types of weaves. This is because I, Nicole, hate my real hair and I was embarrassed of it. I have never felt beautiful with my real hair and after years of wear and tear, I have decided to start over and wear my hair out and proud.

Now, due to stress and all the damage done with braids, I have many thinning areas on my head. I guess, you can ultimately say that I have bald spots. It's not something to proudly state at age 23, but I'm working through it all. I have a new hair regiment (thanks to a lovely woman at a natural hair salon in Dallas) and with time, consistency, and patience, my hair will become healthy and happy again.

Some days, I think about my hair and I can't wait for the day that I can look like this:


Right now, I am working on looking like this






























But until then, I look in the mirror and all I see is this:

Hey, the first step to recovery is admitting, right? I am Nicole and I am a recovering teacher with bald spots.

-N-